Stig

Ok so I don't believe the Stig is Michael Schumacher, I think he was scheduled to be a guest and they took the opportunity to drum up publicity. I like Top Gear but didn't know it was back on until I saw the news article on the BBC the Sunday it back.


I'm board and don't have much else to say but I wanted to get back into the swing of posting as there was a nice crowd of people that followed this blog before I took fell off the planet.

I'm hot too, even though I'm sat here in only a (long) t-shirt. Yes we Brits complain when it's cold and now its hot we're still complaining, but we're British and have will always complain if it's not just right.

Jackson: I enjoyed his music and it's sad that there will be no more.

Tennis: I was watching the women's tennis and it was most entertaining, I have a strange desire to take up tennis!

edited for spelling

Has it been that long?

I hadn't realised how long it's been since my last confession, well ok post.

With my sporadic posting I wonder if anyone ever reads this these days.

So what's been happening in Jessica's reality I hear you scream, well Laura is back in town, she did enjoy her extended vacation but now back to work.

But unfortunately Sophie is still living with my mother, I was hoping when Laura got back so would my little angel but because Laura is working shifts the spawn of satan didn't think it was a good idea for Sophie to move back in. More scheming required.

I just noticed my blog is over 2 years old, and I still haven't hit 100 posts yet!

Last post of 2008

Reading that title you could either think of me as an optimist or pessimist seeing how there is almost 24 hours left in the year.

So I do apologise for not posting anything for the past 5 months but I've not really been in the mood. Ok to be more honest I wasn't sure what to write about, I'm still not sure but I think I'll just keep typing and see what comes out. It is the end of the year and perhaps the title of this post was enough to bring me out a little.

So what's been happening I hear you scream at the monitor, well I may have gotten older but I'm still 2 years away from being 30.

Well my sister is still off on her year out traveling around the world, she sends photos when she gets chance and seems like she's really enjoying herself.

Since Laura is currently not a viable sitter this means my mother has made an executive decision and Sophie has had to move in with her. Not only that but now it's just me living here she's also decided not to subsidised the rent, I know I shouldn't moan about that seeing how everyone else has to pay their own way but it was nice not to be flat broke at the end of each month. It's funny but she has come out and said if I start dating men she would consider the money issue, the bitch! not that I've been getting any lately from either gender.

I must admit that my darker outlook on life lately has made me say and do things I've come to regret, maybe that's too hard, I think I could have made better choices.

I do tell people that I never regret things but truth be told there are many decisions in my life I regret and although they don't keep me awake at night they can be cause for a distraction.

I still think that something has to change for me to move forward but not sure what, I don't think a new job would have any affect since when I'm in work I tend to get on with stuff without this side of my personality getting in the way. Moving is out of the question because of Sophie, I know that if I moved further away I would end up seeing her less than I do now.

What is a girl to do, suggestions welcome.

Hearing voices

Don't worry we're fine, yeah what she said.

No I'm not going mad but I'm also too young for a midlife crisis.

I feel stuck in life, the past couple years have been stagnant for me with no real accomplishments to speak off and I think that's part of the problem, I'm not moving forward.

I had considered moving to a new city and starting a fresh, Sophie is still at the age where I think we could move without much of a problem. But since my recent spat with mum she's cut off my allowance leaving me to pay my own bills which means I can't afford to move. I know you all have to pay your own way so I shouldn't moan

My mother moved us when I was 14 and in the middle of high school, I never really settled in and as a result put less effort into my school work. I would say I've never really forgiven her for the trouble that put me through but when I look back I did burn many bridges so staying would have created another set of problems anyway.

No one in my family know I feel this way and quite frankly I don't think I could talk to any of them about it. I did try once a few years ago when I had another problem and the support wasn't all that helpful.

I've been pigging out more recently and have noticed my clothes are getting tight around the waist, but according to my doctor I'm still under weight so I'm not all that worried about that just yet.

So here's another negative post about my life, I think that's why I haven't posted so much lately as I don't want to drag anyone along with me.

Something needs to change

I find myself in exactly the same position as last week and I feel very annoyed about this.

Something in my life needs to change.

This morning the phone woke me up, even more than that it was nearly lunch time, what annoyed me further was that I was still tired and wanted to go back to sleep. Although I do like a lay in it's not usually because I'm tired, I find laying in bed in the mornings helps me sort things through in my head, allows me to come up with different approaches for things I expect to happen that day, but lately my mind has been more concerned about going over past events, and showing me what ifs, perhaps it's my minds way of keeping us sane, luckily there's still only one of me that I'm aware of..!

I'm sitting here, well laying would be more appropriate, after just watching a film with Chris Rock and I'm feeling pissed off, more at myself than anything else, but I'm finding it hard to put these feelings into words which is why I stopped blogging for a time.

I still need to figure a way to rescue my princess from the evil clutches of the wicked witch, in other words how to get my seven year old daughter away from my mother!

The one thing I was thinking about changing was my car, I had seen an slk which I thought looked nice, then after discussing it with my brother I came to the conclusion why the hell do I need a new car, I have a new car, although a few years old now. I think I was just looking at the convertible sporty option as my current car is a hard top family car.

I'm just going round in circles here, today was a stressful day, and that's after sleeping for half of it. Nearly all the stress was caused by Rebecca, who else, I have considered telling her she's too much stress but none of us can help the way we feel about each other and I do get this warm fuzzy feeling when I'm with or talking to her.

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