Something needs to change

I find myself in exactly the same position as last week and I feel very annoyed about this.

Something in my life needs to change.

This morning the phone woke me up, even more than that it was nearly lunch time, what annoyed me further was that I was still tired and wanted to go back to sleep. Although I do like a lay in it's not usually because I'm tired, I find laying in bed in the mornings helps me sort things through in my head, allows me to come up with different approaches for things I expect to happen that day, but lately my mind has been more concerned about going over past events, and showing me what ifs, perhaps it's my minds way of keeping us sane, luckily there's still only one of me that I'm aware of..!

I'm sitting here, well laying would be more appropriate, after just watching a film with Chris Rock and I'm feeling pissed off, more at myself than anything else, but I'm finding it hard to put these feelings into words which is why I stopped blogging for a time.

I still need to figure a way to rescue my princess from the evil clutches of the wicked witch, in other words how to get my seven year old daughter away from my mother!

The one thing I was thinking about changing was my car, I had seen an slk which I thought looked nice, then after discussing it with my brother I came to the conclusion why the hell do I need a new car, I have a new car, although a few years old now. I think I was just looking at the convertible sporty option as my current car is a hard top family car.

I'm just going round in circles here, today was a stressful day, and that's after sleeping for half of it. Nearly all the stress was caused by Rebecca, who else, I have considered telling her she's too much stress but none of us can help the way we feel about each other and I do get this warm fuzzy feeling when I'm with or talking to her.

.

What happened

I find myself sitting alone in a quiet apartment, almost dark apart from the lamp I have beside me.

So how did I get here, well who knows!

Laura is away on her travels, this means that Sophie has been staying with my mother, the idea was for her to come back here on weekends but when I came to pick her up on the Saturday I found that my mother had made plans and had taken her out. So since my last post in March I have seen very little of my daughter, until today I hadn't seen John or Katherine either.

Add to this I have a new boss at work, we don't get on and it's taking a lot out of me trying to hold face with or sometimes against him, his boss doesn't seem to like him either but I've been refraining from criticising him since he's not done anything wrong. All this is making me tired and I seem to fall asleep as soon as I get home in the evenings.

To add yet another item to the list, Rebecca is back in my life and seasoned readers will remember how much stress she injects into my reality.

Another stress point is that Emma's been away for a quite a while so I've not had anyone to bounce off.

On the work side I've mostly been cruising along quietly, apart from instances concerning the new boss, I've been letting my subordinates handle things that I should really be doing, this includes some new business we've picked up, I just know something is going to go horribly wrong and I'm going to come out worse for wear.

So why come back to blogging now, well Emma's back so I've been able to vent some of my frustration to her (poor girl) which has helped, also today was my mum's birthday which meant a little family get together, Sophie wouldn't leave me alone which made me feel good.

The reason she's staying with my mother if your wondering is that mothers are free babysitters, but that means some concessions on my part.

Also the untimely departure of Alex made me want to post a comment to his blog and since I was signed in I decided to swing back here.

So I might keep this blogging thing going or it may shimmer away again, for those who know my email thanks for the messages, I'm not going anywhere just yet.

Jess.x

Has it been that long

I'm still here, well of sorts.

Just trying to figure life out and where I fit into the big picture